Adaire & Kim

Adaire & Kim

Adaire and Kim have been through several deployments together as a military family with their two children, one son and one daughter. Adaire and the kids live in California, while Kim is a navy chief stationed in Korea.

Although the repeal of DADT was a great victory, it was only the first step in ending the major discrimination their family faces. As DOMA bears some responsibility in preventing certain statutory benefits from being given to Adaire, the Department of Defense (DoD) could adapt its regulations on other benefits that it gives its heterosexual families. Adaire and Kim’s family would be much better equipped to deal with the sacrifices and struggles that all military families face.   For example, if the DoD were to change its regulations to allow Adaire to be “command sponsored” for Kim’s duty station in Korea, their family would not be separated. Right now, they can only afford family visits to see each other 3 times a year, which Kim pays out of her own pocket.

Kim is honored and proud to be able to serve her country openly and looks forward to the day when the military will provide for her family as it does for her counterparts. Kim mentioned that their family’s love “is as strong and committed as that of any comparable heterosexual one and in some cases more.” Adaire pointed out that, “Like other military spouses who run a household while their partner is away, we face our stresses. There are, however, a couple of important differences: we are asked to make all the same sacrifices, but are afforded none of the same benefits and support systems that are in place to make life bearable.”


  1. Wow, this is such a beautiful and inspirational story. To see couples who have been through several deployments is such an inspiration. I hope my partner is able to re-enlist and continue his Marine Corps career and I hope one day we are all treated like “real” families and spouses. Thank you for your continued service to your country Kim and props to you Adaire for staying so strong.

  2. Very touching and inspiring, gives me hope that this can be done with pride and dignity. Thank you so much for sharing your story and keeping the hope alive.

  3. Agreed same benefits for the same expectations. I am pleased with what has happened so far but our armed forces deserve all that is afforded them. HOOORAH!!!

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. While my partner is no longer in the military, I had to deal with a very difficult deployment early in our relationship and this reminds me of the pain I felt having to “hug” her good-bye in the air port as she was leaving for Iraq (years before DADT repeal). I hope there will come a day when we can all heal from this…

  5. I do hope that soon the benefits will be the same. Moving story. 🙂

  6. I am not for same sex marriage, because of my spiritual beliefs …. that’s a different topic. But when government opens the door allowing same sex marriage and the military agrees, then you can not discriminate one marriage from another.

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