It’s not very often in one’s life where you have weeks of just unabashed joy regarding the possibilities of life. This week is that week for me. Behind the unabashed joy of course is the unholy level of stress not very often seen in one’s existence. Just this month my wife and I have started the journey of becoming mothers as well as first time home buyers together. I know that these are normal adult type mile stones. I just never imagined they would be milestones I would be experiencing again, for the first time!
My wife is still new to a lot of the “grown up” aspects of life that I am familiar with. Yes, she has been in the Army for 14 years. Yes, she has deployed to Iraq. Yes, she has to follow a chain of command that I will never completely understand. On the other side of the “grown up spectrum” she has never owned her own home. She hasn’t ever held her own newborn child in her arms and she has never had to take full responsibility for anyone other than herself and her Battles. Trying to make all of these things happen for us are scary and amazingly exciting and for all intent and purpose…completely out of my control!
I struggle everyday with the pressure of not being able to control every aspect of my life. I find that completely ironic considering that I am married to the Army… I mean my Army wife. I don’t know if that was one of the traits that drew my wife to me or if it was my youthful good looks (she is 4 ½ years younger than I am). Military spouses are do’ers. If something needs to be accomplished, completed, researched, analyzed or scrutinized, we are your people! I often think that my wife and I are completely unstoppable. With her drive and ambition and my ability to make the seemingly impossible possible, how could we fail? See, there is that unabashed joy!!
Zen is never a trait that I would give myself. I have never found peace in “allowing things to happen as they are meant to” or “being friendly with the uncertain”, or “allowing the Greater Being to be in charge”. I taught childbirth education and was a labor doula for 8 years. I experienced natural childbirth 3 times. That doesn’t make me Zen. It means I know what I want for myself and I know what it takes to prepare myself to make the things that are important to me happen.
I am told that with age comes a certain level of grace and wisdom. I am hoping that this grace and wisdom guides me through the trials and tribulations of TTC (trying to conceive, as I have learned is the online abbreviation), and home buying. Actually, I am grasping onto the grace and wisdom with bloody talons and hoping that my plotting, researching, scrutinizing and analyzing leads my wife and my family to all things wonderful!
When everything is said and done I am grateful for the partnership that I have with my wife. She reminds me every day that I am not expected to save the world or even the day for that matter. Even with my super human ability to get tasks completed I need my wife to talk me down from the ledge, settle my mind and spirit, and reassure me that Rome wasn’t built in a day. We don’t have an SOP at home. When home offers fall through and insemination doesn’t work that month, I know that I have a wife who appreciates everything I do for our family, and I know that with her support our family will be able to come though stronger on the other end, regardless of the outcome.
Jennifer is a newer member of AMPA having joined in early 2014. She works in sales and marketing for the construction industry, and her wife serves in the Maryland Army National Guard. They have 3 teen-age sons, 2 orange cats, and 5 fish. She is an avid reader, lover of home remodeling shows, a mediocre cook, loving mom, and a proud Army wife. Jenn found AMPA after struggling with finding other spouses to connect with.