Bobby recalls with distinct clarity the day he and Rob met: “Rob and I met May 22, 2003, in Tampa, while he was working on his Masters in Latin American studies for his track in the Army.” Rob, a Foreign Area Officer (FAO), is currently stationed in Central America. Bobby and Rob are also parents of a 17-year-old son.

Current discriminatory law, regulations, and policies greatly impact their family.  For example, since Rob is stationed in Central America, although legally married, it has been a challenge for their family as they serve our nation in a foreign country.  Because of the Defense of Marriage Act, Bobby is not “command sponsored” and cannot be listed on Rob’s military orders to Central America.  This means he doesn’t get the assistance heterosexual spouses receive like spousal preference for employment, a diplomatic passport/visa, and access to his husband’s healthcare. Having to pay out-of-pocket for private health insurance in addition to a lack of a second income, service to our nation has become a definite challenge for their family.  The need for recognition of same-sex military spouses is clear.

The repeal of DADT was a huge burden lifted off of their family’s shoulders.  Rob points out: “We rejoiced when DADT was repealed and grateful for the many leaders that made the repeal a reality for us. Eight years living together was a sacrifice requiring an incredible commitment that challenged the relationship many times. The typical weekend family activities had to be planned to prevent exposure. Work colleagues and the military community had to be evaded. The enjoyment of most occasions were always challenged by the paranoia of being discovered.”

The burden was also shared by their teenage son.  It prevented his school friends (many of military parents) from coming into the house to protect his father from expulsion, even though he wanted to spend time with them. Only the bonds of love that united the family kept it together. Although not as severe as before, the challenges of staying together remain today because it’s uncertain if the couple will be able to continue their lives together in Central America.

Like many other same-sex military couples who have experienced isolation, Bobby sought out the American Military Partner Association for support and sense of family. “For me, AMPA has been an amazing support, and a great resource of information. I can come to the group with any issue, whether big or small, and know that I will always have, not just one, but many people there to help me. From sage advice to sarcastic banter, it seems there is always someone who knows exactly what I’m going through and just what to say to make me feel better.”

While Ashley and her partner Heather have been a solid team for 15 years in November, they met while playing soccer in Columbus, GA, on opposing teams, while Heather was stationed at Ft. Benning. Heather is a Major in the Army who originally hails from Chicago, while Ashley blooms wherever she is planted.

Heather is a Logistics officer, while Ashley was an educator for 13 years before they made the decision for Ashley to assume the “Stay at Home” role of motherhood for their 2-year-old son. If DOMA were to be repealed or ruled unconstitutional, Ashley could be recognized as the wife and mother she is, and not dubbed under the dubious title of “caregiver.” This would allow her access to the base and all its facilities, as well as support systems and benefits. Ashley would also receive health insurance, as a spouse, which would save their family $400 dollars a month.

Currently living near Ft. Bragg, North Carolina, they have been through numerous deployments and PCS moves (all out of pocket due to DADT and DOMA).  For Ashley, AMPA has offered a way to connect to other military partners and to “share our knowledge to assist with issues, problems, concerns…in particular, to assist those with children,” which is her passion.

In addition to their love of soccer, football, and volunteering for animal rescues, Heather is an artist in her spare time. Ashley was chosen as District Teacher of the Year in 2008 while they lived in El Paso, and is a member of AMPA’s National Steering Committee.  With the repeal of DADT, Ashley also had the pleasure of being invited by the First Lady of the United States to attend the annual White House Mother’s Day event as the first openly gay military partner/mother. You can read about her experience at the Huffington Post.

On the heels of Independence Day and amidst the increased activity due to the RIMPAC exercise at Joint Base Pearl-Harbor Hickam in Honolulu, Hawaii, Kenton and Johnny Wandasan had their Civil Union ceremony performed at the Hickam Officer’s Club.  According to the catering manager, this was the first same-gender “wedding” ceremony and reception that the Hickam Officer’s Club has ever hosted.

Maj. Johnny Wandasan recently completed a combat command of a CH47 Chinook company that was deployed across two Regional Commands in Afghanistan, and is now actively serving as a Senior Aviation Advisor and Assistant Brigade Operations Officer for an Infantry Training Brigade.  The former Kenton Chang, now Kenton Wandasan, is an alumnus of Kamehameha Schools in Honolulu, Hawaii, and is a Respiratory Technician at Queen’s Hospital.

The July 6^th date holds a special meaning to Kenton and Johnny, as does the venue; Johnny received his commissioning from the 298^th Regimental Training Institute’s Officer Candidate School program at the Hickam Officer’s Club, back in August 2000.

The repeal of DADT aided tremendously in transitioning from a life of secrecy to a life of openness and acceptance in the military.  Kenton and Johnny recently attended a Farewell event for the Senior Enlisted Advisor from Johnny’s previous unit and both were made to feel welcome.  In fact, a Platoon Sergeant from Johnny’s unit, along with other non-commissioned officers, volunteered to assist with the DJ and music entertainment during their wedding.

There is still a long road ahead for the couple, but their status as “husbands” in a Civil Union has certainly energized their hopes and desires for more acceptance and involvement in unit functions, and Family Readiness Program (FRG) activities.  For them, the repeal of DOMA is the beacon of hope that is still in sight, off in the distance.  Basic privileges, such as access to base shopping and fitness facilities, and ultimately being recognized as a family member by the DoD are but a handful of the many benefits that Kenton and Johnny are both hoping and praying for through the furtherance of marriage equality laws.

Kenton and Johnny currently reside in Honolulu, Hawaii, and are together raising a year-and-ten-month old American Pitbull, nicknamed “Haas”.  They often talk and dream about one day growing their family through adoption.

Lauren and Christie were friends long before they became a couple. Lauren hails from Plymouth Massachusetts, while Christie was an Air Force brat from Virginia. They met at a coffee shop where Lauren worked and Christie frequented while stationed at Hanscom AFB.  After moving down to Virginia as roomates, Christie went to law school through the Air Force Excess Leave Program and Lauren finished her BA at Lynchburg College.

Currently, Lauren lives in San Diego, finishing her MA in American Literature and Christie is stationed at Davis-Monthan AFB in Tucson, AZ. Christie is a captain and cross-trained from an acquisitions officer into the JAG corps last year.  Lauren feels lucky to be able to spend many weekends, breaks, and the entire summer with Christie in Tuscon, but is preparing for Christie’s first deployment to Afghanistan. Asked how she feels about the upcoming deployment, Lauren said, “Extremely proud and extremely nervous”.

Due to the implications of DOMA, Lauren and Christie are also not immune to the impacts this has upon their daily lives. “If the so-called Defense of Marriage Act was repealed, and/or we were federally recognized as a couple, Christie and I would have a very different life in small and large ways. I could meet her for lunch on base without prior planning. I could go grocery shopping at the commissary or get things for the house at the BX. Christie wouldn’t have to worry about my safety (as much) because I would have health insurance. We could start a family and know that the kids were also covered without having to go through extraordinary, burdensome measures. That family would be a part of the USAF community in which Christie was raised.” Lauren explains.

As AMPA has reached out to hundreds of same-sex military couples, Lauren and Christie enjoy the new found joys of having other partners to talk with, share stories, ask questions, and celebrate in each other’s victories as well as sorrows. Lauren has been able to meet with some of the AMPA members face-to-face and looks forward to many more introductions. “There is an unspoken (and often spoken) understanding between all members, regardless of sex or branch. I am so grateful that AMPA found me.”

In sharing about her family, Lauren concludes: “I have a true partnership with my best friend. We encourage each other, we challenge each other, and we teach each other. I laugh harder with Christie than with anyone else. We are avid Red Sox fans and love to brew and taste beers. We are both so excited to find where we’ll be stationed next so that we can plan the next phase of our lives…that will, regardless of location, include a wine cellar and brewing forum!”

Josh and Will met in Texas, shortly after high school. At the time, Josh had been involved quite a bit with FFA (Future Farmers of America) in raising and showing cattle. A friend had asked Josh to help get his cows ready for the State Fair, and in a twist of fate, one of the other cow hands the friend had asked just happened to be Will. While shyness got the best of them that day, Will stepped forward and initiated, asking for Josh’s number, and the two have been together since.

Josh and Will have already more than met the “military partner quota” with 4 TDY’s and 1 deployment.  Standing solidly by his side, Josh covers the home front in their Dallas home working as a literature distributor (book seller). They have one “furry son” named Domino, who is great with emotional support during Will’s deployment.

Will is an E4 in the Army, currently serving a deployment in Kuwait until early 2013. When asked about challenges being in the military, Will responded “The hardest job in the military isn’t going on deployment, being a service member, or any of that. It’s the family that we leave behind. Without them, these armed forces wouldn’t be as powerful as they are now.”

While the repeal of DADT removed the threat that Will could be discharged for loving Josh, there are still hurdles that need to be jumped in regards to laws and policies that currently preclude their family from receiving support and benefits.  This lack of support hurts their family not only financially when it comes to housing allowance, but also when it comes to Josh not being allowed the emotional support of family readiness programs offered to heterosexual families, especially during deployments.  They would like to see their family recognized by the military through the same lens and with the same respect, instead of being treated as if they are somehow second-class.

Josh has recognized AMPA as a refuge and source of emotional support: “As a military partner, it gives me a way to connect with other people who are going through the same things that I am. It gives me a place to vent when I need to or seek advice and guidance from more experienced people who have been through the storms and seen the harder side of our lives.” Josh believes that, “Although the military life is difficult sometimes, I’ve been blessed with finding my soul mate, and I thoroughly look forward to our future together.”

Nick and Ronnie live in Kansas City, Missouri, and are engaged to be married.  Nick actually proposed to Ronnie via a scavenger hunt with their friends at different stops at places that meant something special to them.  They are planning on getting married in Iowa in the spring of 2013.  Planning on reenlisting again next year, Ronnie is from New Mexico and has been in the Army for over 8 years as a medic.  Nick, from an Army family, just graduated from law school at the University of Missouri, Kansas City, and will be working as a first year associate at a small law firm in downtown Kansas City.  Nick and Ronnie are learning how to deal with the strains of a military family life.  Balancing the reality of Ronnie being deployed to various locations and Nick finishing law school, with the desire to have children, both are very much aware of the need for stability in starting their family.  Facing not only the normal struggles that all military families face, on top of that, Nick and Ronnie have to deal with the discrimination and extra burdens as a same sex couple.  For instance, being a lawyer, Nick is well aware of the various extra steps they have to take to protect themselves legally.  Despite those steps however, their family still faces the reality of a lack of support from the military.  Looking forward to the day when DOMA is either repealed or declared unconstitutional, they both hope that military leadership will take steps in the mean time to change Defense Department regulations that are capable of being changed to include all military families, not just the heterosexual ones.